I'm your secretary
So. For the past week I've been working in a branch of the provincial government. I won't name it for fear of this coming up in a random google search, but I can say that this is the most I've ever been paid for doing so little. Yes, I have even less responsibilities there than I did at That Which Shall Not be Named. For the curious, here's my intinerary for a normal day:
8:30 A.M: Get in to work. Turn on all the lights, unlock all the meeting rooms and turn on the computer. Say "Hi" to people as they come in. For an extra challenge, try to remember their names.
10:30: Mail comes in. Chat with mail guy about how his day's going. Usually bad. He's tired. Answer a phone call or two. Answer each question, no matter how complex or long winded with: "Okay, I'll just transfer you to one of our intake people who can help you with that". Sort Mail.
10:45: Have my subtly passive-aggressive sub come over to the desk to take over while I make the round of the offices to distribute the mail. Listen to her thinly veiled criticisms and complaints about my heterodox approach to sorting the mail. Feel inexplicably wounded.
10:48: Purolator lady comes in. Try to chat with her, but am answered brusquely, if at all. Attribute this lack of social graces to the fact that I am a man, and not the cute girl I replaced that she would chat volublely with when I was here on my training day. Feel inexplicably wounded.
10:50: Distribute mail. Wander around offices, get lost half on purpose. Gotta make this last as long as possible, because I'm in no hurry to get back to my desk. Joke around with some of the nicer middle aged ladies. Self-esteem restored.
11:05: Return to desk. Sub is on phone with a friend, talking about going somewhere Friday with friend on other line. Other topics: Getting a new car, and why HE shoudn't have done that. Wonder vaguely who "HE" is. Feel like I'm eavesdropping, so go to washroom.
11:07: Return from washroom. Sub is off phone and looking up information about cars. Draw attention to the fact that I'm back. Make polite chit-chat about cars, about which I know nothing. Talk about lunch, and when I would like to go. I say "One o'clock". She says "Fine" and leaves.
11:07 A.M-1:05 P.M: Stare at walls. Illegally check e-mails several times. One about a back steet boy being gay, and another about what friends might do on the weekend. Stare at walls. Say "Hi" and smile to people passing by. Try to remember their names. Indulge in my new taste for excel art. Make two drawings, "Evil Rabbit and "Bored Space Invader" respectively. Surreptitiously read Titus Groan. Enjoy it. Try to remember the character's names. Hide said book whenever someone walks by.
1:06-2:06: Got to a secluded spot on the Metro Toronto library where there's a semi-garden and read Titus Groan. Eat lunch. Wait fifteen minutes in line at Tim Hortons for a coffee.
2:07: Return to desk. Sub is on phone, but has already sorted mail that has come in. Draw attention the fact that I've returned, and go to distribute mail. Get lost, half on purpose.
2:20: Return to desk. Sub gets up and leaves. We say our good byes. Office girl with name like a fancy drink brings me out a heavy package and tells me that because the Purolator people don't like carrying heavy boxes downstairs, I have to call security and get them to bring it down. Process order, then call security to bring it down to the front desk. They do.
2:40 Continue reading book. Occasionally say "Hi" to people as they walk by, but original enthusiasm has waned.
2:50: Purolator girl walks in. Asks if there's anything for her. Absent-mindedly say "There's nothing". She leaves. Wonder if I should've mentioned package at Front-Desk on first floor. For no reason, assume she'll check and put worries from mind. Return to reading book and occasionally answering phone calls. Probably should've told her.
3:30: Still reading. Sometime check e-mails.
4:30: Still reading. Answer miscellaneous phonecalls and transfer them all to the Intake people.
4:45: Notice people are leaving for day. Say "So that's you for the day, then?" and make mindless small talk.
5:00: Start locking up. Turn off all the lights, and shut all the meeting rooms. Unplug phone. Turn off computer and put back all the keys.
5:05: Neurotically double check all doors. Check two or three times to make sure all keys are where they should be.
5:10: Check all doors again as a way to ensure that I will avoid riding elevator with nominal co-workers and be forced to make small talk on the ride down.
5:15: Ride Elevator. Make no eye-contact with fellow elevator riders.
5:15.50: Get off on bottom floor. Leave building. Put on Ipod. Feel blissfully disconnected from bustle on street.
So endeth the day. Despite the fact that I don't do anything, I always come home feeling bone weary.
8:30 A.M: Get in to work. Turn on all the lights, unlock all the meeting rooms and turn on the computer. Say "Hi" to people as they come in. For an extra challenge, try to remember their names.
10:30: Mail comes in. Chat with mail guy about how his day's going. Usually bad. He's tired. Answer a phone call or two. Answer each question, no matter how complex or long winded with: "Okay, I'll just transfer you to one of our intake people who can help you with that". Sort Mail.
10:45: Have my subtly passive-aggressive sub come over to the desk to take over while I make the round of the offices to distribute the mail. Listen to her thinly veiled criticisms and complaints about my heterodox approach to sorting the mail. Feel inexplicably wounded.
10:48: Purolator lady comes in. Try to chat with her, but am answered brusquely, if at all. Attribute this lack of social graces to the fact that I am a man, and not the cute girl I replaced that she would chat volublely with when I was here on my training day. Feel inexplicably wounded.
10:50: Distribute mail. Wander around offices, get lost half on purpose. Gotta make this last as long as possible, because I'm in no hurry to get back to my desk. Joke around with some of the nicer middle aged ladies. Self-esteem restored.
11:05: Return to desk. Sub is on phone with a friend, talking about going somewhere Friday with friend on other line. Other topics: Getting a new car, and why HE shoudn't have done that. Wonder vaguely who "HE" is. Feel like I'm eavesdropping, so go to washroom.
11:07: Return from washroom. Sub is off phone and looking up information about cars. Draw attention to the fact that I'm back. Make polite chit-chat about cars, about which I know nothing. Talk about lunch, and when I would like to go. I say "One o'clock". She says "Fine" and leaves.
11:07 A.M-1:05 P.M: Stare at walls. Illegally check e-mails several times. One about a back steet boy being gay, and another about what friends might do on the weekend. Stare at walls. Say "Hi" and smile to people passing by. Try to remember their names. Indulge in my new taste for excel art. Make two drawings, "Evil Rabbit and "Bored Space Invader" respectively. Surreptitiously read Titus Groan. Enjoy it. Try to remember the character's names. Hide said book whenever someone walks by.
1:06-2:06: Got to a secluded spot on the Metro Toronto library where there's a semi-garden and read Titus Groan. Eat lunch. Wait fifteen minutes in line at Tim Hortons for a coffee.
2:07: Return to desk. Sub is on phone, but has already sorted mail that has come in. Draw attention the fact that I've returned, and go to distribute mail. Get lost, half on purpose.
2:20: Return to desk. Sub gets up and leaves. We say our good byes. Office girl with name like a fancy drink brings me out a heavy package and tells me that because the Purolator people don't like carrying heavy boxes downstairs, I have to call security and get them to bring it down. Process order, then call security to bring it down to the front desk. They do.
2:40 Continue reading book. Occasionally say "Hi" to people as they walk by, but original enthusiasm has waned.
2:50: Purolator girl walks in. Asks if there's anything for her. Absent-mindedly say "There's nothing". She leaves. Wonder if I should've mentioned package at Front-Desk on first floor. For no reason, assume she'll check and put worries from mind. Return to reading book and occasionally answering phone calls. Probably should've told her.
3:30: Still reading. Sometime check e-mails.
4:30: Still reading. Answer miscellaneous phonecalls and transfer them all to the Intake people.
4:45: Notice people are leaving for day. Say "So that's you for the day, then?" and make mindless small talk.
5:00: Start locking up. Turn off all the lights, and shut all the meeting rooms. Unplug phone. Turn off computer and put back all the keys.
5:05: Neurotically double check all doors. Check two or three times to make sure all keys are where they should be.
5:10: Check all doors again as a way to ensure that I will avoid riding elevator with nominal co-workers and be forced to make small talk on the ride down.
5:15: Ride Elevator. Make no eye-contact with fellow elevator riders.
5:15.50: Get off on bottom floor. Leave building. Put on Ipod. Feel blissfully disconnected from bustle on street.
So endeth the day. Despite the fact that I don't do anything, I always come home feeling bone weary.
posted by Sam at
5:14 PM
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